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As a Phi, you have a good sense of
yourself and your sexuality. You know how to turn on the sex
appeal when it suits your needs, and have a fair amount of
confidence when it comes to your sexual performance. |
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| E |
As an E you tend to focus more on an emotional connection
to your partner during sex. |
| T |
As a T you tend to be an affectionate lover — using touch
to enhance the experience. |
| D |
As a D you tend to be more experimental and willing to try
new things when it comes to sex. |
| N |
As an N you tend to communicate with body language, not
words, during sex. |
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| 8 |
As for your interest in sex, your libido score is 8 on a
scale of
1-10. | |
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As a Phi, you
have a good sense of yourself and your sexuality. You know how to
turn on the sex appeal when it suits your needs, and have a fair
amount of confidence when it comes to your sexual performance. You
feel just fine about how sexy you appear to others. You have a
decent level of sexual confidence too, and you're aware of others'
sexual presence. You know to some degree what you like when it comes
to sex. All in all, you're more balanced than most, because you
don't obsess over any of the above-mentioned criteria
Because you aren't an extremist, you tend not to feel
especially negative or positive about your sexuality unless prompted
by an extreme circumstance. In other words, a situation that is
especially positive or a situation that is uncomfortably negative
may cause you to doubt yourself of lose some sexual confidence. But
ultimately, you're even-keeled when it comes to sex and your sexual
relationships.
On the whole, your centeredness makes you a
fair judge of others when it comes to sex. More specifically,
because you are someone who maintains a middle-of-the-road
perspective about most things in life, you are less likely to judge
— harshly or otherwise — the sexuality or morality of others. People
with your degree of flexibility have greater potential for change,
and an openness to learn. That strength plays largely into your
sexual persona.
Wherever you go, people perceive you as
tremendously sexy. Indeed, your attractiveness and stimulating
nature are two qualities that immediately jump to mind when others —
new acquaintances and old friends alike — think of you. The downside
of that effortless, and sometimes overwhelming, sex appeal is that
it sometimes serves as a distraction. You might find yourself having
to work hard to make sure others focus on aspects of your
personality outside of your sexuality. At least you've had enough
experience in this arena to handle the attention well, and to
quickly redirect it when you want or need to.
You are very aware of your strengths as a
sexual partner. You probably aren't afraid to ask for exactly what
you want, and you probably don't hesitate to try new things that you
believe will satisfy your partner. Since you are relatively free
from the anxiety and worry that can sometimes interfere with an
amazing sexual experience, you are more likely than most to explore
what you might like, and just as importantly, what your partner
might like. With your degree of self-assurance, you make a strong,
exciting lover, one greatly appreciated by those you choose to share
yourself with.
You've taken the time to learn about your own
body and to discover your pleasure zones, and you've mastered what
it is that makes you dizzy with pleasure. Whether due to your
natural curiosity, a drive to really find the ultimate in sexual
pleasure, or your denial of the age-old stigmas relating to the
exploration of one's own sexuality, you are now able to reap the
benefits of your exploration. You've even got the intellectual
wisdom to back you up, from learning from other people, books,
videos, whatever. You've chosen to really explore what sexuality is
about.
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The
first element of your sexual personality is your sexual
persona. Your sexual persona is determined by three elements,
your sex appeal, sexual awareness, and sexual confidence. Your
sex appeal is an estimate of how other people perceive you to
be sexually — what they think it might be like to be with you
sexually. Your sexual awareness represents how conscious you
are of your sexual needs, likes and desires. Your sexual
confidence is all about how confident you feel when you're in
a sexual relationship with someone else and more specifically,
how sure you are of yourself when you're engaged in a sexual
act with your sexual partner. It is, overall, a measure of
your internal security when it comes to your own sexuality.
What's interesting is that these three elements — sex
appeal, sexual awareness and sexual confidence — are
independent of one another. You could find someone who has the
highest sex appeal around; a person who everyone agrees
radiates sexiness. Yet, this person could easily have a low
sexual confidence, while at the same time, demonstrating a
moderate level of sexual awareness. It is the varying degrees
of scores on these sexual scales that determine your specific
sexual persona out of the twelve predetermined sexual
personas.
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Sex
between lovers varies substantially. That's the norm, not the
exception. Here's a little secret: No one has sublime sex
every time. There are no strategies for having perfect sex
that have been hidden from you.
Sex can be
mind-blowing, but not every time. Learn to be realistic
in your expectations and realize that sometimes, when
everything is right, sex is going to "click." Other times,
it's not that you're losing a connection or that it's a bad
omen, but sex just doesn't seem "on." But with the following
report, and action items, you can improve your sex life so
that it "clicks" more often than not.
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You're an E. You are very much oriented toward
strongly connecting emotionally with your sexual partner. You are
most likely to find sexual happiness then when it is accompanied by
a strong relationship and/or a strong level of trust. Even when you
don't know your partner all that well, you may seek out or, at
least, desire a closer connection, as you find emotional distance
disconcerting when it comes to sex. None of this is to say that you
aren't also drawn to the physical aspects of sex, too; simply, you
place more weight on the emotional connection than the physical one.
Sex has a very emotional impact on
you. Even though its effect can vary significantly depending on who
you're with, connecting with someone on an emotional level is an
essential element of sex for you. Of course you can live without an
emotional connection and you can have sex without an emotional
connection, but if you do, you will probably feel there is something
missing.
The connection you feel between sex and your
emotional connection to your lover works the other way as well. Sex
has a powerful influence on your perspectives beyond the act itself.
Sex for you is a significant act, not just a physical release. You
tend to sleep with people you want in your life, and when you do
have sex, you prefer it to be meaningful on numerous levels.
The physical components of sex are
very important to you. Sex is great, but for you, orgasm is
something you really look forward to. You're probably disappointed
if you don't climax — which makes the physical high of sex an
integral part of the experience for you. Unfortunately, you can't
guarantee the dizzying highs that having sex can produce. It's
possible that sometimes you just think about it too much, which
distracts your body from the task at hand. It's also possible that
under certain circumstances, like being in a new environment or with
a new lover, you have a hard time getting your usual hot button to
work the right way. The best way to make sure your future sexual
experiences are the best they can be, try to pay more attention to
the details that do make the sexual experience click for you. Pursue
them more aggressively when need be. It is the best path to ensuring
the maximum in physical pleasure that is possible for you.
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In general, the Emotional/ Physical Scale
(E/P) describes the degree to which emotional closeness or
pure physical enjoyment is most important to you during sex.
Some people are more oriented towards the emotional connection
made between two people during an intimate moment. Other
people thrive on the physical rush of sex. And still others,
find both elements are equally important. For this reason, you
can have an overall result that leans just slightly more
towards the emotional, or E side of the scale, or a result
that leans just slightly towards the physical, or P side of
the scale.
Thus your overall result will tell you more
explicitly, how you balance these two factors when you're
dealing with sexual encounters. For example, someone who
scores an E+ feels much more strongly about the emotional
connection during sex. Someone who scores an E- feels just
slightly more strongly about the emotional connections than
they do about the physical connections. Someone who scores a
P- feels just slightly more strongly about the physical over
the emotional, and so on.
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Regardless of whether you have a
more emotional or physical connection during sex, one thing
remains the same: all five of your senses can be involved.
Too often, people focus on one or two of the senses.
But for an exciting change, try stimulating all five senses at
once. The key here is to excite your partner, so as you go
through this exercise, focus on what he would like, not what
you would like. You'll find that by pleasuring him, you'll get
increasingly excited yourself. Sight, sound, smell, taste,
touch. Those are your categories. Now, find elements to
stimulate each of those senses.
Sight: Try
wearing an outfit he's complimented you on before, that turns
him on. If it's lingerie, wear lingerie. If it's your faded
jeans, wear your faded jeans.
You can also awaken his
sense of sight by setting the scene in one of your rooms.
Light the living room with candles. Fill the bedroom with
flowers. It's even ok to have an erotic magazine to flip
through together if you think he'd be up for it.
Sound: Turn on music he thinks is relaxing or
romantic. This setting isn't about you; it's about you reading
him well enough to heighten the sexual experience for both of
you. If he's particularly stressed, find a sound machine to
play soothing white noise or the crashing of ocean waves.
If you've got a good singing voice, now might be the
time to use it. Serenade him.
Smell: Don't
forget that smell is the sense many people associate with
emotionally. Smells remind people of their history and are
particularly useful ways of bringing someone back to another
place and time.
If you shared an exciting romantic
trip to the Caribbean, try filling your home with reminiscent
smells of coconut or exotic orchids. If you want to evoke the
trip to the orient, try using aromatic oils you can find at
numerous health stores or gift shops.
If he goes wild
when you wear your perfume or a scented lotion, wear those.
Or if the aroma of a freshly baked chocolate cake will
remind him of your Sunday afternoons at the local coffee shop,
bake a cake.
Taste: There are plenty of things
you can do when it comes to taste. Take for example, the joy
of culinary aphrodisiacs. In addition to oysters, people swear
by chocolate, pine nuts and spicy food as precursors to
unstoppable sex drives. For a more indirect way to tease his
taste sense, you can eat a bite of his favorite chocolate
cake, then have him taste it only on your breath when you kiss
him.
You can also have your partner try some of his
favorite foods, eaten directly off your body.
Touch: Touch seems like a no-brainer to most
people, but there are things you can do to increase the draw
of touch with your partner.
Try the no-touching
exercise. Kneel on two knees facing each other. The goal of
this exercise is to get as close as you can without touching.
You may be unbearably attracted to each other, wanting to move
in for an actual kiss, but see how long you can go without
touching at all. The sexual tension that builds can lead to a
powerful sexual experience.
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You're a
T-. You appreciate the visual aspect of your sexual experiences, but
displaying and being shown physical affection is a slightly more
compelling part of the experience for you. Indeed, while when it
comes to the balance of the physical closeness versus looking and
admiring your partner from a bit of a distance, you tend more
strongly to be a toucher than a watcher. It can cause confusion
sometimes, with you drawn to and away from your sexual partner
simultaneously in some instances. When in doubt, however, you tend
to move in closer rather than sit back to enjoy the show.
Physical caressing makes you
swoon, and you often view a warm, soft touch as more erotic than any
sexual gesture. It's because you are highly touch-oriented. Lucky
you. You are able to reap the benefits of having high skin
sensitivity without being sensitive to the extent that frequent
physical connections can overwhelm you. Your favorite sensory
experience? Kissing. For you, it's a big part of the sexual
experience and something you love doing with your partner nearly as
much as having sex itself. Those little things really get you going.
There's no doubt. You see the beauty
in the human form. It's there for you and you notice the physical
characteristics of your sexual partner's body. You enjoy watching
them even if it means being at a distance. But then you're probably
quick to get close and be a part of the action, too. It also depends
on how emotionally connected you are to this person, too. If you
care deeply about the person, you might be more inclined to spend
more time admiring them, watching them, appreciating their physical
look and what they're doing with their body. Everyone is different.
The important thing is that you find someone compatible with whom
you can really get into what you enjoy doing.
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In
general, the Touch/Look (T/L) scale describes the degree to
which you like to touch your sexual partner, or be touched by
them as well as how much you enjoy admiring your partner, or
watching them during sex.
Some people are strongly
oriented towards the sensations of touch. They find the
physical sensations particularly erotic. Other people feel
more strongly about watching themselves and their partners
while having sex. For them, the visual cues and aspects of sex
are the most erotic. And for other people, both aspects of sex
are equally important.
For this reason, you can have
an overall result that leans just slightly towards the touch,
or T side of the scale, or a result that leans just slightly
towards the look, or L, side of the scale. Thus your overall
result will tell you more explicitly, how you balance these
two factors when you're dealing with sexual encounters. For
example, someone who scores a T+ feels much more strongly
about the touch connection during sex. Someone who scores a T-
feels just slightly more strongly about the touch sensations
than they do about the looking connection. Someone who scores
an L- feels just slightly more strongly about the looking
element over the touching element of sex, and so on.
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Many sexual couples have showered together.
But if you pay particular attention to the nuances of being in
the shower together, you'll enjoy the experience even more.
Here's why.
- Water adds sensation. Couple that with the sensation you
already have being with your partner, and you'll find
yourself aroused in a more heightened state. The water of
the shower and soap also add a slippery element you might
not be accustomed to when your partner rubs his body against
yours.
- Standing up in the shower, you are also exposed to a
maximum of your partner's skin, something you can't always
get in other positions or embraces.
- A warm shower is automatically relaxing and will make it
easier for you to wipe the day's worries from your mind, and
hence, focus more on the sexual feelings at hand.
Exercise:
Keeping all these elements in mind, try
taking turns washing your partner and having him wash you.
This exercise has less to do with a cleaning routine, and more
about allowing you and your partner to luxuriate in sensual
touch. The combination of the water and your hands and body
against his, can be an enormous turn on.
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You're
a D+. You are willing to try anything, and you have a strong sense
of adventure when it comes to romping around in the sack, or
wherever it happens to be that you do your wild thing. You might
even have shocked a few of your sexual partners in the past —
although knowing you, you're less likely to worry about that sort of
thing and more likely to feel proud of your avant-garde approach to
sex. Every once in a while, you may experience a twinge of doubt
over whether or not your sexual partner will think you're too
willing to go to the edge in order to obtain a sexual high. Just
keep reminding yourself that everyone is different, and sex is never
about being right or wrong. It's about mutual gratification and
satisfaction. As long as you're in line with those objectives,
you're on the right track and have nothing to question.
You've largely figured out what you like, and
you're on the verge of expanding on those things. Indeed, you've
already tried some unconventional sexual activities and find
yourself drawn to some of them, at least every once and awhile. The
more daring you are, too, the more curious you are to explore beyond
known territory. Certainly, you don't mind your standard routine.
But you've also seen the benefits of using your imagination and the
pleasures that can await you by taking cues from imaginative sexual
partners.
You are happily uninhibited about your sexuality,
and you seldom shy away from expressing your sexual interests,
desires, or history from those who want to hear you tell about these
things. For you, sex is a beautiful, fun, natural part of being
human, and you don't have time for people who judge immodesty as
crude. If they misunderstand your openness, so be it. You don't
judge others and you don't expect to be judged. In your view, being
uninhibited is the healthiest, happiest way to go through life.
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In general, the Daring/Modest (D/M) scale
describes the degree to which you are willing to try new
things sexually, and the degree to which you prefer to be
modest and discreet. To understand your score, you also need
to know that daringness and modesty are equally acceptable.
One score on this scale is no better than another score. The
important thing to remember is to learn more about yourself so
you can take this knowledge and enhance your sexual
relationships — current or future. For some people daringness
is critical. For others, modesty is more important. And for
others still, there are equally important.
For this
reason, you can have an overall result that leans just
slightly more towards the daring, or D side of the scale, or a
result that leans just slightly towards the modest, or M side
of the scale.
Thus your overall result will tell you
more explicitly, how you balance these two factors when you're
dealing with sexual encounters. For example, someone who
scores an D+ feels much more strongly about being daring,
trying new things during sex. Someone who scores an D- feels
just slightly more strongly about the experimenting then they
do about remaining more modest and discreet. Someone who
scores an M- feels just slightly more strongly about remaining
more discreet than experimenting with more daring, unfamiliar
things during sex.
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Whatever your experience level, one thing
you can focus on instead of technique, is attitude. When you
display the sense that you are comfortable with your body, are
interested in an erotic experience, and are ready to feel good
and make your partner feel good, you create a sexual aura
around yourself. This doesn't mean you should take on the
attitude of Marilyn Monroe or other people you perceive
to be sexy. You should still act yourself, just allow yourself
to throw your inhibitions out the window. Sex is natural. It
can be serious, but you should also be able to have fun with
it.
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You're a N. When it comes to sex, you're much more
likely to communicate non-verbally than you are to do it verbally.
This means that if you have a highly verbal sexual partner, there
may be some tension about how to best connect so that you know what
one another wants. This is to be expected. Because everyone is
different when it comes to sex and how they communicate, the best
strategy is to find out as much as you can about the way your
partner does things. If your partner is verbal, take the time to
learn his or language, and ask him or her to learn how to
communicate with you non-verbally. Certainly, learning to be more
verbal won't be too challenging for you as you have verbal
tendencies, too. (It just so happens that, unless circumstances
arise in which verbal communication works better, you are strongly
inclined to stick to body language and other non-verbal cues to
relate your feelings.)
You are, at
heart, a verbal person, and you often use words to communicate your
thoughts during lovemaking. Certainly, you aren't constantly
struggling with any kind of verbal paralysis that can make
communicating your wants and needs a near impossibility. That isn't
to say that you always speak up, though. As happens with most
people, there are times when it's just plain difficult to make what
you want to communicate come out the right way. You can try
explaining how you feel, but your partner might not understand you.
The reasons for these little miscommunications vary. They
can have a lot to do with your partner's responsiveness and
listening skills. They can sometimes be attributed to your own
confusion or tentativeness around saying something that you don't
often verbalize. Either way, the important thing is to use what
you've got to your advantage, and learn from experience what works
and what doesn't with regard to the way you verbalize your feelings.
For instance, when you don't feel heard, you might just want to
speak up louder or try again. What you don't want to do is dismiss
your very important need to communicate, or to keep your feelings to
yourself when it feels unnatural to do so. Unwittingly, giving up on
verbalizing can actually create a communication gulf between you and
your partner. A lack of communication can be especially risky in
long-term relationships, with chronic misunderstandings sometimes
breeding low-level resentment.
You tend to use non-verbal communication and verbal
communication in equal parts when it comes to sex. Sometimes you
spell out what you want, like, and intend to do with words; other
times, you let your body do the talking. It's a great balance, and
in fact most people know instinctively how to employ some non-verbal
communication during sex, even if it isn't their normal tendency to
be demonstrative in this way. Further, because you know how to
express yourself without words, you're open and capable of reading
others' non-verbal communications.
One thing to note: there
is more ambiguity in non-verbal communication than in verbal
communication, even when your sexual partner happens to be a strong
non-verbal communicator. Not surprisingly, there's just more room
for fuzziness when one is dealing in the subtle art of body
language. While it might seem perfectly obvious to you that what
you're communicating is loud and clear, the message might not be
getting received that way. Much of non-verbal communication can be
interpreted in different ways depending on the person. To be on the
safe side, you might want to check in verbally now and again to
ensure that your non-verbal exchanges with your partner are being
understood as they are meant.
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In general, the Verbal/Non Verbal (V/N) scale
describes the degree to which you communicate with words
during sex or the degree to which you rely on non-verbal
communication.
Communication is central to finding
satisfaction in your sexual relationships with others. If you
can't communicate what you need, what you want — whether
verbally, or non-verbally, you're probably not going to get
it. As of yet, there are no known methods for getting your
partner to read your mind. However, you can help them
understand your body language better, or you can learn to
better communicate what you want.
There are needs and
interests that can easily go overlooked and unspoken when
you're wrapped up in the heat of the moment. Oftentimes you
won't remember to tell your partner something after the fact.
And still other times it will just seem too unnatural to bring
it up again out of context. It's easy to misread your partner
during sex. All of the physical and emotional feelings can
muddle up even the clearest of sentences which is exactly why
it's even more important for you and your partner to know how
to communicate. Understanding your score on the V/N scale
should help.
Some people are much stronger verbal
communicators. Others stick with non-verbal communication, and
others still, rely on both kinds of communication equally. For
this reason, you can have an overall result that leans just
slightly more towards the daring, or D side of the scale, or a
result that leans just slightly towards the modest, or M side
of the scale.
Thus your overall result will tell you
more explicitly, how you balance these two factors when you're
dealing with sexual encounters. For example, someone who
scores a V+ is much more of a verbal communicator. Someone who
scores a V- minus tends to communicate verbally just slightly
more than non-verbally. Someone who scores an N- uses just
slightly more non-verbal communication than verbal
communication during sex.
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The caress is probably one of the best ways
to rev up your sex life. And the benefit is that these
exercises work for people both trying to improve their
non-verbal and verbal communication.
Exercise:
Lie
down and relax. Start touching yourself lightly on the face,
neck, and arms. Move your fingers across your body as slowly
as you can stand and with the lightest touch you can master.
Then move down to your stomach, trunk and legs. Focus on the
sensations, then vary the speed with which you move, and the
pressure you apply to your body. That will allow you to know
how you like to be touched.
Next, try out your
favorite touch on your partner. See if he likes the same speed
and pressure as you do. Have him show you what he likes on his
body, and then have him touch you in that way on your body.
Or, have her tell you exactly what she likes and see if you
can replicate it. That will help you understand each other's
communication during sex.
You'll find that by
identifying each other's most stimulating caresses, you will
increase the pleasure of your foreplay and ultimately, your
sex.
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You're
8. You've got a healthy, strong libido. You aren't apologetic about
thinking about it lots, having it more often, and enjoying longer
lovemaking sessions than the next guy, either. You know well that
your libido is a central part of your physical life, and your sexual
interest is healthy and robust because of that acknowledgment.
Having a strong libido can make life
fun-filled. It can also sometimes find you attracted to people you
may wish you didn't find attractive, and keep your casual-sex radar
up and running more hours of the day than you realize. Simply,
whether you are actively searching out sex or not, the inclination
pops up not infrequently.
Further, having a strong libido
means that oftentimes spending time with someone you're attracted to
will turn sexual at some point (assuming that this person is
interested and amenable). There is nothing wrong with this, of
course. You just happen to have a certain sexual openness that makes
you perk up around people to whom you're attracted.
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Libido:
the psychic and emotional energy associated with instinctual
biological drives; sexual desire; manifestation of the sexual
drive.
The term libido has come a long way since it
was first introduce by the psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud. But
for all intents and purposes, the word now means your general
interest level in sex. When Freud first started using the
term, he used it to mean sexual drive, or sexual instinct.
Through his research, he found that sexual drive followed a
certain pattern — a gradual buildup of intensity, followed by
release, and a decrease in excitement. He also realized that
sex was not the only human function that yielded this pattern.
Eating, drinking and urination also shared these traits. As a
result, he considered these activities sexual as well, because
they followed the pattern of libido.
Freud, studied as
he was, was still questioned by colleagues. Many of them felt
he put too much emphasis on the biological influences on
humans' sex behavior, and too little emphasis on the external
cultural and social morals that impacted how an individual was
socialized into sex and taught to view sex. It was that
socialization, scientists said, that truly shaped one's sexual
behavior and these factors were so strong they should not be
ignored. They felt that there is an undeniable link between
sex drive and biology, rooted in our need to keep producing
our species. They also felt, however, that in addition to our
biological need for sex, the societal and cultural
environments in which we live truly shape our drive towards
sex.
This test assesses your libido score by asking
about several different aspects of sexual drive. How often do
you think about sex? How deeply do you think about it? Does it
take over your thoughts when you have other things to do? We
measure your urge to have sex, how long you want to be engaged
in sex when you do have it. We also associate how easy it is
to turn you on with libido. These are the kinds of factor that
are analyzed to come up with your overall libido score, which
ranges from 1-10.
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Another key to fantastic sex, is to be
relaxed. That's perhaps one of the most overlooked and
undervalued components to a fantastic sex life. Your life may
be hectic, and busy, but with the following insights, you'll
be able to relax yourself, which will allow you to prep
yourself for terrific sex.
Relaxation is the most
critical element to sexual arousal. Try these exercises to get
you there.
Slow down. The first step to relaxing
yourself is to slow down your breathing. Lie down, close your
eyes, and take 10 deep breaths in through your nose, hold them
for a couple of seconds, and exhale slowly. You'll find that
your body will start to relax as you focus on this breathing,
and your heart rate will slow down.
Once you've slowed
your body down, you're ready to start a caressing exercise. By
lightly touching yourself or your partner, you awaken your
sexual side while maintaining your relaxed state. Think about
how a massage relaxes you. These gentle whispering caresses do
the same, but with the added benefit of feeling slightly
sexual as well.
Remember to breathe. In the midst of
all the sexual charges, and in anticipation of the ultimate
muscle-clenching finale of sex, many people don't realize the
importance of breathing. Breathing can actually enhance your
sexual experience. Instead of holding your breath during
moments of heightened sexual sensations, remember to breath in
and out continuously. Do not pause between your inhale and
exhale. Think of them as one continuous cycle. Then you can
pause between breaths.
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You are largely motivated by the emotional
elements of your sexual experiences. At the same time, you have a
strong libido that heightens your love of sex generally. It's a
win-win situation for you. You think about sex, look forward to it,
and greatly enjoy engaging in it, and by attending to your emotional
needs and really focusing on how to satisfy them during sex, you
really maximize your enjoyment of it.
Obviously, the more
connected you are to your partner, the better sex will be for you.
Conversely, if you have a weak connection with your sexual partner,
or if you use sex as a means of connecting to someone with whom you
aren't already feeling in sync, then you're likely to feel like
something is missing, even afterward. It's why, when possible, you
should try to establish clear and solid connections with your
partners before having sex. Casual partners aren't likely to satisfy
your emotional needs, and you'll avoid any feelings of
dissatisfaction (with them or yourself) if you stick to having sex
with people with whom you feel some emotional connection.
People vary considerably in the way they
communicate sexually, and your language is filled with non-verbal
ways of telling your sexual partner whatever it is that you want to
communicate. Because non-verbal communication can be fuzzier than
verbal, it is critical for you to either find a sexual partner who
can pick up your sexual vibes and other ways of communicating, or
else to train your partner to read those non-verbal cues. (It is
easy to misread them, so as painful as it may be if you have a
verbal sexual partner and you don't like to talk about sex with
them, it is important that you explain as much as you can about what
certain things may mean so that your partner does not misinterpret
you.) To help further, consider your past sexual experiences and try
remembering what has worked and what hasn't. When you've been more
in tune with one another on a non-verbal level, has it been more
comfortable? Have you been more satisfied? Also, make sure that your
partner likes affection or at least is okay with it and is willing
to deliver it to you during sex. Not grudgingly so, either. You want
to make sure that your needs are satisfied and that your sexual
language (touching and non-verbal) is understood by your partner.
When it comes to how others
perceive you sexually, most people stick to what they can observe
directly: how sexy you appear. You happen to be somewhat of a
mystery to observers because you can be both alluring and aloof at
times, leaving many to wonder what you're like when it comes to sex.
They may strongly suspect there is a saucy, wild underside to you,
but you're coy about showing it — even while you know it drives them
to distraction.
Indeed, you like leaving question marks in
your path. You prefer that people don't know your whole story, even
if it means they make their own assumptions based on your
appearance, alone. As far as you're concerned, most strangers can
guess about you until the cows come home. And you know that they
are, indeed, guessing. |
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Sex. You see it
everywhere you go. From sex ed in high schools, to celebrated media
sexperts, to advertisements for perfume, HBO's Sex and the City and
the little medical wonder known as Viagra, sex is on the mind!
Nothing perhaps, is more universal. No matter how personal the topic
may be to you, the ever-present — and sometimes overly-explicit —
idea of sex is every direction we turn. But why?
As long as
there has been life, there has been the drive for sex. And in fact
for some, the question, "which came first, sex or life?" isn't an
obvious answer.
In the beginning, the drive for sex did not always
come from pure desire. In many cultures dating back to the Ancients,
one's social standing and position in life predetermined with whom
and if, you were to have sex. In ancient Athens, men viewed women as
either a breeder or worker. And these folks weren't shy about their
sexualities, either. Art and antiques from classical times show us
that Greeks openly celebrated the image of the aroused penis.
It was Roman physician Galen who concluded that both the
females and males required sexual pleasure, excitement, and climatic
orgasm in order to generate the heat that produced new life. Thank
goodness for scientific advances. What followed, however, was the
Victorian view that a passionless wife or mother was all you needed
for reproduction. Freud and those who studied his work were integral
in bridging the rigid Victorian model of sexuality to a more social
model. Sex was absolutely rooted in nature, in biology, but how we
used it in our lives was more conditioned by our social and cultural
environment.
Then, in the 1960s, we saw yet another
revolution. No longer was sex a private affair between two people.
The drive for sex is so alluring, is so undeniably powerful, people
realized they could harness its message. Sexuality became
commercial. It emerged politically as an axis for many social
movements promoting the acceptance of women's reproductive choices
and sexual expression, as well as the relaxation of censorship laws.
Today we can see sex all around us — housed in
museums, prostituted legally on the streets of Vegas, explained
through therapeutic radio shows, and broadcasted as streaming media
on the Internet.
Who hasn't heard of Dr. Ruth, America's
Leading Sex Therapist? With her nationally and internationally
syndicated radio and TV programs, "Sexually Speaking" and "The Dr.
Ruth Show," she has certainly made her modern views known. She is a
pioneer in spreading what she labeled "sexual literacy." And what
about all the other talk shows? From Oprah to Howard Stearn, sex is
now an acceptable subject to talk about not only openly, but on the
air.
The
Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction is a
renowned institution that can be traced back to 1938. In preparing
for a new women's course about marriage and its contemplation at
Indiana University, zoologist Dr. Alfred C. Kinsey discovered that
scientific data on human sexual behavior was sparse. He began
collecting his own data, eventually resulting in more than 18,000
sexual histories based on intimate, face-to-face interviews. His
research covers sex in a fairly comprehensive manner, looking at
issues surrounding erogenous zones, bisexuality, extramarital sex,
fantasy, foreplay, homosexuality, masturbation, nudity, peak
performance/maximum sexual activity, oral sex, orgasm, premarital
sex, sex with prostitutes, and even sadomasochism.
Many
organizations exist today that cater to modern sexuality issues of
abuse, dysfunction, therapy, public health, social problems, and
more. The research at educational institutions like The Kinsey
Institute help to provide credible background information and
research to progress in today's society.
There's plenty of evidence linking sex to biology and
sex to certain cultural norms. But have you ever taken a test that
took all of this into account to bring you a useful way to discuss
sex and how it relates specifically to you? Tickle's Sexual
Personality Test assesses your sexual behavior on 7 different
scales. It will help give you a better understanding of your sexual
personality — a part of you that's just as important as your
personality as you go through life. Knowing more about your sexual
persona will make you happier, and healthier. This test will show
you your sexual strengths and will offer advice for making them even
stronger. Join the millions of Tickle members who have already
benefited from this |
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